I need you to know that I vandalized a picture of The Grinch and Cindy Lou Who for this. I photoshopped that spiky head thing from Lady Liberty herself onto Cindy's head. Then I changed his skin to orange and then I had to go bathe in holy water say some hail Mary's even though I'm not religious because … Continue reading With Apologies to Dr. Seuss and…Well, Everyone.
That's right. It's better than yours. Today is my birthday. I am "waxes my lady parts the same day I pluck my chin" old. I am a Libra, and, as such, am way more balanced and rational than you. Also I am charming and irresistible, especially on wax and pluck days. I have always been … Continue reading My Sun Sign Brings All the Boys to Uranus
As you are reading this, I am probably standing at the south end of a northbound cow made entirely of butter, surrounded by a bunch of teenagers made of....teenagers, using my new hella rap skills to bridge the generational gap. That's how I picture it, anyway. I volunteered to chaperone my son's 7th grade trip to the … Continue reading Why Is This Cow Smiling?
That title doesn't even make sense. How are we supposed to sort out what's really going on there? What IS happening to that cat? It looks unethical. This blog sucks. So, I guess there was a rumble in the blogosphere, or something? Some blogger on blogger conflict. I wasn't part of the action. I'm not very relevant. … Continue reading Open Letter to Cat Eating Foot Bloggers
Well, it's too late, now, you've missed them. Social media has made me careless. Not gonna lie. I make fun of paranoid people all the time, particularly since I got involved with managing a Facebook page and a blog, because all the things that used to be so important on my personal profile don't … Continue reading Have You Seen My Boobs?