(Actual unoriginal magnet from my fridge.)
I internalize negativity like my skin does sunlight – it doesn’t take long to burn me and send me inside to sit in the dark hating everyone and everything. The internet is best experienced with a clear understanding that it is whole LOT of voices, millions, many of which do not have anyone’s best interest at heart, those of which should be tuned out. If you start to take it in as one judgemental, critical, dangerous, destructive primal scream, it becomes too much.
(Actual video of me on the internet)
(also too dark to see on mobile so you’ll bave to take my word for it.)
I was going to try to write a wrap up, but as soon as I tried I started deleting and restarting and deleting and restarting. So I’m clearly not ready to use this shiny new blog as anything but a brain dump.
I think maybe it’s a habit. Negativity and ugly self-talk. Thinking the worst of people. I think I have to train myself to start looking for the good again. The world is still pretty flat, but this rambling has helped a little.
I have met so many people from blogging – conferences and workshops, collaborations and meetups. People with experiences that I can’t imagine, who have changed my perspective. Changed my view of what is funny, and what isn’t. Ramped up my obsessive self-analysis to a degree that has left my head lodged in my ass while other people write wonderful things.
I’m lucky to have found a silly little online job that has allowed me to save enough to go to Italy in the spring. I will be eating – but no praying or loving on this trip. I was never very good at the spiritual awakening thing. I just want to walk along the Amalfi coast. I hope it’s worth it.
At the first of the year I will have an office that is not next to a litter box and an X box. So that’ll be nice.
The self-criticism is quieter, at least. Wish I had come up with some impressive final post, but it’s just not there.
Thank you to those of you who took the time to read.