The small rechargeable cat scratched the emergency backup cat in the eye because he is an asshole.
So I made an appointment at the vet and fell asleep.
And I woke to having missed the appointment.
And they said “that’s fine! just bring her now!”
But she was hiding, she and her winky eye, under the very large, very heavy bed in the exact center where I cannot reach her.
And I said “cmon sweetie!” but she is not stupid, no. She just sat there and winked at me.
So I brought her some tuna and tried to coax her to me but she would only sit and eat what she could reach without getting close enough to grab.
So I sent the small rechargeable cat in after her and they both ate tuna and stared at me with three eyes.
So I tried to nudge her with a grabber extension thingy, which I am only a little ashamed of, and she winked at me from further away.
So I sent the Roomba in after her and she called me a rookie. Roomba avoids the emergency backup cat. It stranded itself under my nightstand to avoid that confrontation, the coward.
COME ON SWEETIE I AM NOT GOING TO HURT YOU I called/shouted/whatever but none of us believed me.
It was at this point that the small rechargeable cat stuck his head in a plastic cup, the kind you use to mix protein shakes, but that I use for water because protein shakes are an abomination, that he found and went careening down the hall in a panic like a keto plan gone horribly wrong and I had to catch him and unstick his silly head.
And I called the vet and admitted defeat.
And I hung up the phone and turned around and she was sitting on the floor behind me, winking. Not the vet, silly. The cat. That would he creepy.
So I leapt upon her like a ninja and was quickly bested, and I rallied and managed to flip her into the carrier and zip it after having to catch her by the hind legs once.
And off we went to the vet.
And the vet kept calling her “he” and stating the obvious “He has an infection in his eye. His left eye.”
I am changing vets.
I brought her home and released her and the large main cat woke up long enough to share the leftover tuna with the rechargeable while the emergency backup glared at me from under the table, winking.
That was all I had time for today.